Caterina & Alexs' Wedding, Firenze, Toscana

Caterina & Alex's Wedding day, Loppiano, Toscana.
July 20th, 2008.Waiting for the bride to arrive .... Alex, Ada (his mum), his sister in law and beautiful nephew.

It’s 2am and after arriving home and getting changed, I’m eager to climb into bed and dream about the day’s loveliness…

Caterina and Alex’s wedding was held at Loppiano in Firenze followed, by the reception at Villa Corti in San Casciano Val di Pesa, Firenze... it was truly beautiful.

An enchanting and exquisitely memorable day from start to finish. There was full sunshine, romance and innocence, visually enchanting scenes.

Marco and I traveled by moto from Florence to Loppiano (near Incisa) to attend the wedding. Whilst standing in 38 degree heat was a challenge for the bride and grooms' family and friends; the young couples appearance was stylish and refreshing and their exchange of glances eptimosied the joy and hope that new love embraces.

After the nupital service at the church at Loppiano and the celebratory tossing of rose petals and rice, we drove through the beautiful tuscan countryside to the reception at Villa Corti in San Casciano Val di Pesa.

After changing into my beautiful salmon pink lace and beaded Italian designer dress and heels I met up with my Prince and we joined the guests in celebrating the couples wedding in the villa's garden. The scene was poetic - white linen round tables & covered chairs, a buffet of delicious food & wines, children with faces like cherubs running around with balloons, music, and a pastel colored sunset.

Dinner was held within the inner courtyard of the villa under the moonlit sky. The setting was like a play and so visually rich and dramatic. For example, prior to being served the waiters would enter the courtyard and wait silently with their plates poised until upon cue and with theatrical precision they would circulate the tables and then place a plate infront of each quest. During the meal their were speeches, dancing, songs and poetry. It was beautiful.

After the main meal we left the inner courtyard and proceeded outdoors where candles lined the garden path, and the head chef was placing rose petals upon their wedding cake which was shaped in the form of a heart. Then as music played, and a speech between Alex and Caterina was exchanged a huge balloon illuminated with their names floated up into the sky. Everyone was laughing, dancing, and singing.

Marco and I walked, sat, danced, talked and laughed all day and all night. We never left one another’s side or were never out of one another’s view. I felt young & beautiful. I was happy to have my handsome man by my side and relished every moment.

At this moment I have no more words to express how I feel… Other than to say that I am floating, flying and falling. Returning to Firenze albeit difficult was the right decision and although my experiences here may not change our feelings or fears; at least I am living my emotions with all the courage, hope, love, grace and faith I can.

Now that I know what I want, the rest lies in God’s hands.

Porta Romana

My gorgeous apartment in Porta Romana, Firenze.

Early days in Florence.

With 38 degree heat and 60% humidity my days are spent either: melting in class at the Accademia or whilst visiting the churches and galleries around Firenze with Matteo my art history teacher; cycling along the Tuscan countryside scattered with cyprus trees and dotted with stone villages; sitting in my garden at home in Porta Romana drinking caffelatte's; sunbaking; reading & writing... Can it get any more challenging...?

At night if were not sitting in my garden talking under a moonlit sky about dreams and plans for the future, I'm being seranded by persistent mosquitos.

First impressions of "Bella Firenze" upon my return.

Architectural features and street scenes in Firenze.

Local wine bar & 'Roses for 5.00 Euro', Porta Romana, Firenze.

"Dietrofronte" by Michelangelo Pistoletto. Porta Romana

I love this marble statue situated in the middle of the round about infront of the Porta Romana and remember the first time Marco explained its significance to me.

As we rode past the statue on the ‘moto’ at 2am Marco explained to me that about 20 years ago an important contemporary artist Michelangelo Pistoletto was commissioned to create "Dietrofronte" as a metaphor for the perspective through which Florence views the world, and how in turn it is viewed.

Dietrofronte, depicts a woman is balancing herself upon her head and symbolises her reflecting upon the life she has left behind as she looks ahead at her life which lies ahead. Their was great controversary in response to the statue because it was so contemporary, but I like its sentiment & its relevance to my life….

Anticipation

John Presser wrote 'You cannot be a cavalier leading the troops into war if you think you look stupid riding a horse'.

I still believe that closure will come when we stand face to face. Only in that moment will I truly believe how I feel about Marco.

I must be honest and find the courage to state clearly to him that I love and adore him. That I'm afraid of the magnitude of our love. I want him to know that my response on the beach of Elwood was not final. That I was scared... I want him to understand that it wasn't him or our love that I was negating... it was my fragility. I need Marco to understand that I'm sorry. That I love him. That I want to be with him and to build a future together.

No longer in the picture

Marco sent me an email today stating that he was 'living his life, and sharing his time with someone' and that he didn't want my new experience in Florence 'to hold him in the picture'.

Ouch!. Yes, but also an answer to my prayers. Not the answer I had expected and hoped for but a clear message. Painfully clear.

Naturally I'm curious to know more: to search answers for when; where; how; and even why..?but mostly I'm sad and feel lost. I still love Marco and I thought he felt the same.

Obviously I'm misguided and my heart is disguising information memo-ed to my brain.

I'm scheduled to arrive in Firenze in three days and Marco is meeting me at the airport. To be honest, I'm have such mixed emotions about seeing him. Emotions range from: feeling the need to be self protective; wanting him to sweep me in his arms and tell me that he loves and adores me; wanting to feel confident, desirable and beautiful; needing him to leave me alone completely; wanting him to know how much he has hurt me...and how much I deeply want him even despite of this... and above all it is my longing to be with him that scares me completely.