Dietrofronte

Equal measure of joy & angst

No photo today just a few lines.

In the opinion of those who know or have meet me in Italy, I'm considered to be more Italian than Australian. Naturally, this is partly true because Italy has always been a part of my dreams, passions and spirit - and these emotions will always be alive within me.

However I feel defeated, because in spite of many beautiful, fortunate and memorable moments; the dreams and hopes I had aspired to achieve here, have not eventuated. Although I acknowledge that Rome wasn't built in a day and that Italy is not simply Firenze; I've tried relentlessly and yet have not been able to find a continuous thread or the opportunities I was searching for.

Maybe what I'm searching for isn't here and all this time I've just been continuing my love affair with Italy? It's possible, because it's truly difficult to let go of the things we hold dear.

As I grieve in anticipation of my imminent departure, I realize that strong sentimental emotions are a part of who I am. As Alain Resnais wrote "Io voglio amare, si, voglio il fuoco e voglio il ghiaccio. Rifiuto quella tiepida dolcezza in cui mi volevi immergere. Tu non puoi capire che la vera felicita sono in realta lampi che ci bruciano, che ci annientano."

I'm very attached to Firenze and all it represents... but I think that it is time I leave.

The decision brings an equal measure of joy and angst.