New life

At the Palm Sunday mass this evening the priest gave us the following blessing. "May Easter bring you new life".

Latey, I have been reflecting upon the concept of fear in our lives and trying to articulate what I fear. At first, I believed that I feared 'committment' or rather the notion of someone or something suppressing my love, liberty and dreams. However I realise that what I fear in this moment of my life, is that I will find security, fulfillment and happiness on my own again.

I realise (admit) that one of the reasons why I love being in Firenze is because this is where I learnt to love, be free and feel more in my adage with someone, than on my own. It was here that my heart opened and I stopped finding mountains to trek, oceans to traverse and challenges to overcome (alone).

Then at a certain point, I ran away from this love story and everything changed... and I will never know what may have been, had I had the courage to stay.

In the years since, although things have changed and our relationship has changed, I have always maintained hope that one day I could find that balance here again. Most probably it is these feelings that have been drawing me to Firenze each year.

In contrast to previous years, this year there is no home where my heart can rest and expectations driven by my head are not coming to fruition. And while these changes have created confusion and disillusionment, it is probably mean't to be like this, because when I tossed that stone into Swansea beach, my hearts desire was not to achieve more, but to be able to share and create a future with someone.

So over these remaining days in Firenze, I will allow my heart to wander, dance and sing. I will embrace a new life and I will not be afraid of all the possibbilites this unknown and uncharted future will bring.