Looking up to position my face towards the sun, I noticed her standing still and patient, as though she had been waiting there for me, in the middle of the piazza. My beloved vision of "Il Duomo".
The night before as Sabine drove some of our friends home, we past along the streets and landmarks that have my memories etched in them. We drove past Dietrofronte towards Piazza Michalengalo, along the Arno River with the Ponte Vecchio and Palazzo Pitti in the distance, and the Castello di San Frediano. Golden light softly illuminated the Arno River, just as I remembered it did and I could feel the crisp night air against my skin as though I was once again cruising through the streets on the back of a motorbike with my arms wrapped around a handsome Italian.
My heart and mind were still. There was no sadness or melancholy. For Firenze has and always will be a part of my memories, life and dreams.
I am fortunate that I have friends there, who make the return even more beautiful and renewed with new memories, but the time has come to seek something more for my life and my future. Deep within me is a need to create my home and to build a life with someone.
I would choose Firenze in a heart beat, if it was possible for me to create a niche for myself there in a way that I could feel independent, integrated or infused. Or if the love of my life was there.
Sadly I haven't found both these elements in the one place yet - but then it has taken me until now to realise that this is what I want and need - and like anyone in this position, at times I become restless wondering when, if, where, how this will ever be possible. At least now I have defined what it is I need in order to be me, to love and to grow. I know what I am looking for and I trust that when these moments arise, I'll be able to recognise them and without fear, hesitation or nostalgia 'dive-in'.
